Fate Has Made Us Family
...A Letter From a Donor Mom

Dear Recipient,

Almost five years ago, our lives collided and we became part of each other forever. This is truly a unique relationship since we cannot know each other. Nevertheless this is a real relationship we have. Fate has made us family. I have as much interest in your well being as your own mother, though I do not even know your name. It is so difficult for me to know what to say to you or how to say it, but I have a need to say something.

In the early days I received a lovely letter from you expressing your sympathy and thanks. I did not answer it. It was very early in my grief journey. I could not yet speak to your wishes. I could barely speak at all. Please understand that, though I did not acknowledge your words, I do still cherish them.

I have talked with many other donor families who share my quandary and many recipients who say the same. We just don't know what to say. In the years since that day that brought us together I have done much healing. I hope you have done the same. I have built a new life, different... but fulfilling, bittersweet... without my beloved child, but not without its new joys and rewards.

It must be very difficult for you to know whether to contact me and what to say since the day that gave you new life brought me the greatest pain. But it is a day that we will each mark every year, you in joy and I in sorrow. I thought perhaps it was time to share with you what I truly need from this eternal relationship of ours, especially on that particular day.

Every year on our anniversary, I need to know:

You are alive and well.
You do not forget.
You are taking very good care of this precious piece, as I did of the whole.

I do not need flowery words of condolence nor a detailed report of your progress. If you simply take the time to buy a card and send it I will know all I need to know. That I am not alone in this remembering, that this gift was as well received as it was given. Live long and prosper,

Your Donor's Mom